Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
