There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
