I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
