He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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