I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Damn victory sex feels great
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