im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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