when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
