Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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