For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
