yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
