I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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