wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
