they need to just BURY HIM!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
