he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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