You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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