We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Randomize
