There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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