You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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