You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
