i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Houston, we have a squirter
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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