he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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