She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
