So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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