I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
