Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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