the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
