:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
