i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I smell like Dick and happiness
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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