Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
