no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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