Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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