I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
