i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
