I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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