Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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