I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
