The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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