Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
