He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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