3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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