I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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