My cat gives me a boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
