Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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