I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
