i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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