I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
