I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
