He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
