watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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