Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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