I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
