That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
