sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
