69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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