Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
