if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
