Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
