My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
