That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
