Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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