We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
