So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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