i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's official drugs can't kill me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
