I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
