i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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