Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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