No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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