I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
