his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
