Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
