wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
