Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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