Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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